Haiku? I Do!

Just so you know, the headline has nothing to do with this post.
Even I don’t know what this post is about.
I haven’t really thought of anything yet.
I’ve been busy, you see. Writing lots and lots and LOTS at work and with walking the dog at night and well, you know. Kind of not had a [...]

DOA: Dog Owners Anonymous

I keep saying that I don’t want to turn into those weirdo couples that talk only about their goddamn dog. I mean, for crying out loud, I had at least 20 different dogs when I was growing up on the farm in Colorado and I never *sob* talk about my mom *sob* running them over [...]

Too Little Too Late

Sorry Peeps.
Been busy trying to get the house dog-proofed, the garden dog-friendly and the bedroom dog-off-limits.
Normally, in a post politically correct world I would claim that Sparky-malarky (or Crack Weasel as I call him) is mentally retarded. How else do I explain his attitude, poop tactics and pee offensives?
Never mind.
The thing is, I don’t want [...]

I’ve Done Worse For Less

Let’s just get this out there because time is running out.
I’m not vain.
I’m not a glory hound.
I’m a (quickly) balding, misplaced American who found himself in the land of 40 shades of green.
I’m neurotic and because we’ve recently rescued a dog my hands smell like dog piss and the pockets of my coat smell of [...]

I’ve Become That Person You Hate

I carry an earth destroying ozone melting plastic supermarket bag in my pocket at all times to pick up dog shit.
I hide from the neighbors because my dog has pooped in their yard and I don’t want to pick it up because if they see me they’ll know my dog has pooped in their yard.
I [...]

I Wish I Could Quit You!

How to Train Your Dog in 15 Million Easy Steps

This morning (6.45 am) I woke to this:
WIFE: Down, Sparky. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
Good dog!
No.
Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
What the fuck?
NO!
Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
Good dog! Yes, that’s a good boy! Yes, [...]

Say Hello To My Little Friend…

I’m sitting here thinking…
There’s so much to say…
So let’s just get to it, shall we?
I’ve been suffering from Driver’s Alzheimers (I don’t know if that’s spelled right. Probably doesn’t matter cuz if it’s a real disease and I have it I’m automatically excused from spelling it right. BINGO!)
Anyway, there’s been a couple of times this [...]