Shhhhhh…..!

gotta be quiet…everyone around me is napping. must type in small letters only.
dallas the sleep master general of the beagle world is snoring on the loveseat. grandpa is snoring in the recliner next to me. grandpa always denies it when he’s caught napping. his ho wife the smiley fakey bitch from hell the ‘big d’ keeps [...]

Smell Ya Later

Yo Peeps!
I’m outta here.
Probably won’t be able to update/blog over the next two weeks. Not because I can’t but because all of my creative energy will be spent on not killing certain so-called-step-relatives. My personal feeling is that all step-grandparents should not be recognized by any law- legal or implied.
WHAT????
Sorry.
I’m getting yelled at by the [...]

Goddamn Cats

Sorry to double post but this shit is funny.

Obviously, this is from the world’s most hated site “ICANHASCHEEZBURGER.COM”
I mean, I hate them.
They’re really popular.
(I fucking hate them. It’s about cats, for fucks sake!)

There Was Something I Meant to Say…

I’m just a few days away from my trip back to the You Ess of Ayyyy!!!
This will be my first journey back to the homeland in over two years.
Jesus Christ, things have changed!
I suppose my first port of call will be the White House where I will personally put Ass-Hat Bush in a headlock until [...]

Oh Sweet Fucking Shit

I was sitting here, waiting for my computer to re-start after an all important update from Bill Gates, when my psycho dog from the netherworld started throwing his stupid fucking ‘Ball-O-Treats’ into my crotch which made me totally forget what the hell it was that I was going to philosophize upon. (For those who don’t [...]

I Hear You Brother

I was looking at my search terms and, amazingly (or maybe not so ‘amazingly’) one of the biggest search queries for this blog was “The Christian Reformed Church Sucks”.
Oh man.
Don’t get me started.
(Big hearty pause… Have a drink. Get to know your neighbor!)
And because you didn’t get me started, I will hold back.
I won’t go [...]

Liar, liar, pants on fire!!!

People here bitch CONSTANTLY about the weather.
It’s true.
However, this summer I’m joining the throngs and I will now add me voice to the bitchy crowds who agree, “This summer sucks the back balls of all that is human and good.”
I’m just saying…
To add to my dismay and confusion this is the current weather “forecast”:

You see [...]

Spring Cleaning in August…

Today, we (my wife and I) took it upon ourselves to clean the living shit out of our dingy, dungy, dusty apartment/flat.
We had to.
We were tripping over things.
It made me feel better because over the last couple of weeks a ton of shit has cost us a ton of money.
The short version:
My Nintendo Wii graphics [...]