How to Train Your Dog in 15 Million Easy Steps

This morning (6.45 am) I woke to this:
WIFE: Down, Sparky. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
Good dog!
No.
Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
What the fuck?
NO!
Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.
Good dog! Yes, that’s a good boy! Yes, [...]

Holy Crapolla

Since I’ve had my new cell/mobile phone I’ve been pretty good about NOT using it for assinine bullshit dumbass utilities like ‘texting’ and ‘calling 911 in a dire emergency’. (Actually emergency phone calls over here are 999… weirdos.)
Unfortunately, my wife (who uses her phone to text things like ‘I love Coldplay’ to her imaginary ‘cousins’) [...]

The Dog Suicide Bridge

Tonight my wife is heavily into “The Dog Suicide Bridge” a *ahem* brilliant semi-documentary playing on a shitty television station about dogs leaping to their death from a bridge (obviously) in Scotland (by “obviously” I meant they jumped from a bridge, not that they obviously jumped from a bridge in Scotland. That makes no [...]

Yeah, She’s All Right.

As some of you may (or may not) have suspected, I’m pretty much a guy’s guy.
I’m about a million miles away from even resembling the scent of anything close to a metro-sexual. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a so-called sexual being of the metro persuasion.)
I wouldn’t doubt that some of my best friends [...]

We’re All A Little Bit Crazy

My wife wants to start her own blog (no, the pic above has nothing to do with anything. I just like pictures. Pretty pictures! Huh-huh-huh!).
I want to help her. I truly do. But apparently, I’m useless at helping her come up with a name for her info-portal into the intra-tubulars.
Witness the following word for word [...]