After 8 beautiful years of marriage, it seems my wife is on to me.
I have a tendency to download the occasional tune from COMPLETELY LEGAL file sharing… ahem… services and tonight I sought a particular song that I happen to find very catchy.
This is what transpired as I attempted to listen, in private, with my earphones as my wife watched the uber retarded Big Brother:
HER: Are you listening to Kelly Clarkson?
ME: What? What did you say? Am I glistening in smelly chrysanthemum? You make no sense, woman! Begone! Begone, I say!
HER: You think she’s hot.
ME: Whatever.
It’s lucky that I’m so incredibly quick witted. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get away with nothing.
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Waiting For the Day I Wake Up Dead 
So…do you?
Do I…what???