Google Thinks I’m a Gay Frenchy


It’s been one of those days. (Which should never ever happen on a Saturday. Saturdays are MINE. MINE I TELLS YA! )

I downloaded the so-called “CRITICAL UPDATES” from those spunk-suckin’ monopolists at Microsoft (motto: “We control your life so you don’t have to!”) because, if I didn’t, I would have sacrificed the rest of my life to annoying “Automatic Update” messages bent on never letting me do anything ever again online unless I clicked the “Sell My Soul to the Devil” (also known as the “Accept” button) and let the scary jerks corrupt my computer in whatever way they needed to to let me use my ever increasing piece of shit PC on a day to day basis.

So I clicked.

Well, thank you very much whoever, whatever, wherever you are (Microsoft. Redmond, Washington) because you FORCED me to update Internet Explorer (which I NEVER EVER USE) and thereby fucked up damn near everything on my system.

After my “CRITICAL UPDATE”, Firefox (whom I love and cuddle and make out with on a regular basis) now believes that I am living somewhere in France.

And now:

My homepage is in French.

My options are in French.

EVERYTHING online is in French!

What happened?

I’m tired. I’m going to bed.


Se casser.

(“Se casser” in French means “Fuck off.” If you Google translate this, however, it comes back as something like “to break” (but of course I used Google Language to translate “fuck off” to French. Who knows what’s right?). (I’m just letting you know. Because I care. And you’re my friend.)



  1. I feel you pain Wayne. We had to update all of the POS (Piece of Shit) PC’s at work today, and it was a damn nightmare. Starting next week, I will be learning the ins and outs of Windows Server 2003. Oh, Joy! 🙂

  2. I keep hitting the decline button. The last time I updated, it crashed my whole computer.

    I’m more than happy to live in the dark ages thanks.

    Good luck with your computer.

    Glad that’s not me.

  3. I’m this close to reformatting the hard drive and installing Linux and I would except…well, I don’t know how and I’m scared…

  4. Wayne, have you got the French fiasco straightened out? If not, I can email ya detailed instructions on how to change it back. Theoretically, it should switch back to English without any trouble. By the way, I loved Chapter 45. Jett didn’t give any indication that he would be leaving, but that’s just my opinion. 🙂

    Take it easy buddy…

  5. Thanks Jefferson, yeah I got it figured out…eventually. My system still seems to be performing sub par however.

  6. I blame Bill Gates’ wealth for everything that is wrong with the world. The man has more than he can possibly spend. That can’t be good.

  7. I may not know much about computers, but I’d say Bill Gates isn’t so bad…

    “In the dozen years since Microsoft went public, Gates has donated more than $800 million to charities, including $200 million to the Gates library Foundation to help libaries in North America take advantage of new technologies and the Information Age. In 1994 Gates established the William H. Gates Foundation, which supports a variety of initiatives of particular interest to Gates and his family. The focus of Gates’ philanthropy is in four areas: education; world public health and population; non-profit, civic and arts organizations; and Puget Sound-area capital campaigns.”

    Someone correct me if I’m wrong. Que pensez-vous, M. Ordinary?

  8. getamac, getamac, getamac, getamac, getamac, getamac… (


  9. James,

    I’m getting a macbook for christmas, so I’ll fit in with all the “Apple Nerds” in London. 🙂 I can’t wait! I’ve been wanting one, since I found out about bootcamp (Lets you run OSX and Windows).

  10. I thought ‘getamac’ was french for “The money Bill Gates donates is tax ductable.” (Not that I mind him giving away his money. Especially if he gives it to me.)

  11. Seriously – he could give us all about $8 and still have some money left over!

  12. This year (living in Montréal) I have had the joyous combination of:

    1) a French-Canadian (keyboard and system) computer at work
    2) an English-American keyboard on my housemate’s iMac
    3) an English keyboard on my PowerBook
    4) a German keyboard and system on my other housemate’s Windows laptop

    Switching between them has caused problems… you’d think we could all just compromise a bit and keep the same keyboard?

    Some useful Windows translations for you:

    Démarrer = Start
    Arrêter le système = Shut down
    Fichier = File
    Edition = Edit
    Affichage = View
    Marque-pages = Bookmarks
    Outils = Utilities
    Nouvelle onglet = new tab
    Supprimer = delete

    I learnt the last one during my first few days at work on some very important Microsoft Excel spreadsheets (‘classeurs’) … thank the lord for automatic backups (‘les sauvegards automatiques’) …


  13. I think Bill Gates could spot us all a Hamilton, at least.

  14. Urgh.
    Yeah the keyboard issue is a total pain/effort/ball buster. Everyone at work (who uses a PC) is still bitching about the command for the stupid Euro icon (Ctrl+Alt+4) (doesn’t work on the U.S. keyboard…don’t even try it.)

  15. Start -> Settings -> Control Panel -> Automatic Updates.

    Click on the “turn off automatic machine bollocking”

    ‘Course our corporate epolicy forbids us turning it off. Sigh.

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