Cuss Your Way to a Smarter You!

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(Author’s Note: This post is for adults only. You have been warned! (and now you want to read it even more, don’t you?)
I was rooting through my posts at

wayneordinaryamerican.blogspot.com

and I noticed that I never really addressed the issue of what it’s like for an American living in Northern Ireland. Also, I didn’t cuss near as much as I do now.

There is a reason for this. The swearing that is.
Normally I try not ‘swear like a sailor’, even though I personally don’t give a shit whether people cuss around me or not (also, most sailors are a ‘wee bit lavender’ and I’m a ‘man’s man’). I try not to do it in mixed company (swearing, that is. I’m always a manly man- I have hairy shoulders and everything!) because there’s a large number of people with gigantasaurous sticks up their asses.

What’s the reason for the dramatic change in tone, you might ask? Well, people here in Northern Ireland don’t think twice about throwing the word ‘twat’ (I haven’t used this word since 8th grade) or ‘cunt’ (American women will divorce/castrate/smash in the window of your Beamer for breathlessly whispering this in a far off desert dessert dry place where nobody can hear you) or even… well, I think ‘cunt’ is the worst word in the American lexicon of cuss words, so let’s leave it there.

Now, don’t think that I’m trying to get a rise out of people by typing out these words. I’m not. I’m just trying to illustrate how uptight Americans can be about silly little arrangements of parts of the alphabet that people over here don’t think twice about.

They say people who cuss have poor vocabularies but I say people who cuss aren’t afraid to let you know that you’re a shithead (‘shithead’ is my favorite word at the moment…don’t know why.).

Anyway, I’m going to now give you a few examples of language differences between the U.S. and Northern Ireland–because it’s fun.

Northern Ireland Term (NIT): Aiii, right!American Equivalent (AE): You must be joking!

NIT: On the blob.

AE: Aunt Flo is visiting.

NIT: Here’s me, wha????

AE: Did I hear you correctly?

NIT: Bucking in the jeggies.

AE: Having irresponsible pre-marital intercourse in the stinging nettles. (Shame on you!)

NIT: Beef Curtains

AE: er…um… *whispering* vagina

NIT: Blob Strop.

AE: Slightly irrational emotional reaction due to excessive hormone imbalance brought on by the monthly visit of that old bitch Aunt Flo.

I think that’s enough enlightenment for one day.

Now, don’t you feel clever?

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