Cuss Your Way to a Smarter You!


(Author’s Note: This post is for adults only. You have been warned! (and now you want to read it even more, don’t you?)
I was rooting through my posts at

and I noticed that I never really addressed the issue of what it’s like for an American living in Northern Ireland. Also, I didn’t cuss near as much as I do now.

There is a reason for this. The swearing that is.
Normally I try not ‘swear like a sailor’, even though I personally don’t give a shit whether people cuss around me or not (also, most sailors are a ‘wee bit lavender’ and I’m a ‘man’s man’). I try not to do it in mixed company (swearing, that is. I’m always a manly man- I have hairy shoulders and everything!) because there’s a large number of people with gigantasaurous sticks up their asses.

What’s the reason for the dramatic change in tone, you might ask? Well, people here in Northern Ireland don’t think twice about throwing the word ‘twat’ (I haven’t used this word since 8th grade) or ‘cunt’ (American women will divorce/castrate/smash in the window of your Beamer for breathlessly whispering this in a far off desert dessert dry place where nobody can hear you) or even… well, I think ‘cunt’ is the worst word in the American lexicon of cuss words, so let’s leave it there.

Now, don’t think that I’m trying to get a rise out of people by typing out these words. I’m not. I’m just trying to illustrate how uptight Americans can be about silly little arrangements of parts of the alphabet that people over here don’t think twice about.

They say people who cuss have poor vocabularies but I say people who cuss aren’t afraid to let you know that you’re a shithead (‘shithead’ is my favorite word at the moment…don’t know why.).

Anyway, I’m going to now give you a few examples of language differences between the U.S. and Northern Ireland–because it’s fun.

Northern Ireland Term (NIT): Aiii, right!American Equivalent (AE): You must be joking!

NIT: On the blob.

AE: Aunt Flo is visiting.

NIT: Here’s me, wha????

AE: Did I hear you correctly?

NIT: Bucking in the jeggies.

AE: Having irresponsible pre-marital intercourse in the stinging nettles. (Shame on you!)

NIT: Beef Curtains

AE: er…um… *whispering* vagina

NIT: Blob Strop.

AE: Slightly irrational emotional reaction due to excessive hormone imbalance brought on by the monthly visit of that old bitch Aunt Flo.

I think that’s enough enlightenment for one day.

Now, don’t you feel clever?



  1. Hmm… Interesting post Wayne. I got called a “Wanker”, while in the Republic. I was in a pub, so that kind of rhetoric is expected, I guess. Turns out those blokes were just joshing me. Aggervating the hell out of me would be a better phrase. I made the mistake of telling them that I worked in the computer field. They told everybody in the pub that I was related to Bill Gates. Crazy… 🙂

    You know what they say about the Irish, “they only pick on people they like”. I tend to do that constantly. 🙂

  2. Sorry about the mispelling. “Aggervating” (Aggravating) Too much coffee, so little time.

    Have you picked out a name for Ruth’s blog yet?

    I just registered a new domain:

    I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do with it yet, but I’ll figure out something. 🙂

  3. “beef curtains” is making it’s way to American vernacular, except it’s “meat curtains” here.

  4. Oh yeah – one you didn’t mention – “bloody”.

    I’ve heard that’s a very bad curse word in the UK, but acceptable here (used on TV quite a bit when an Englishman is on the screen). I know the meaning behind it (I think). I think I said it in front of a Scotsman when I was a kid, thinking I was down with the lingo and was suprised to get a long lecture from him as to why I shouldn’t say it.

  5. Hmmm…”bloody” really isn’t all that bad these days. It’s mainly older people who will arch their brow when hearing it- otherwise it’s like saying “dang” in the States.

    “Wanker” is bad but I wouldn’t call it general fightin’ words.

    One I didn’t mention was “Shag” which American find funny (at least I do). My wife was surprised that they didn’t change the name of “The Spy Who Shagged Me” when it was released over here.

    And of course “Bastard” which Americans say without thinking (at least in the circles I ran in). Over here it IS fightin’ words. Very, very bad…

  6. My language has also become atrocious since moving to Northern Ireland. I am a girl who NEVER used to curse, just because, well i didn’t, nobody i know really did much cursing at all, my mother will say “oh sugar” if she stubs her toe – you get the idea. But having moved to a country where every second word is “fuck”, i find myself incorporating this into my own vernacular the same way i have added “wee” and “wile” to my everyday language. But you’re right about the “c-word” – I’ll never get over that one and how casually it is thrown around by men and women here, but i’ve had to retire my soapbox due to exhaustion after about my 79,000th time explaining why it is so offensive. I must say I’m not too keen on “beef curtains” either – yuck!

  7. Thanks for the back-up, Healy. I really wasn’t going for shock value on this (well, maybe kind of sort of not really)– I honestly find it interesting.

    I stand by my original argument I used to use against teachers that busted me for the occasional “a-hole” remarks in high school: It’s not the words, it’s the intention behind them.

    Personally, I’m all for taking away the power of the cuss word so that people have to really, really think hard when they insult you. (It gives you time to run away.)

  8. I feel dirty in an erotic beef curtain kinda way, ya’ wanker.

  9. “On the blob” That is sick. Sick and funny – in a twisted sort of way.

    I think I need to move to Ireland. I’ve always wanted to go. I would fit right in apparently – except for the “c” word.

    You could get your face smashed into the pavement for that one.

    OMG! LMAO – I just read Christina’s comment.

    Girl, we need to get together for a beer or three….and not because you feel dirty in an erotic beef curtain kinda way, but because you had the balls to type that out. LOL

  10. You forgot Phil’s favorite, asscorn.

    How is “MF’er” considered over there?

  11. ASSCORN??!!!

    Wayne – either one of you…please explain that one.

  12. Wayne- MF is pretty banal actually. Can’t really give you a feel one way or the other on that one. I haven’t heard it much but that’s not to say that it is or isn’t offensive (hell, it’s N. Ireland, it’s probably like saying “Corn Chex” or something).

    Nikki- can’t help you on the “asscorn”. That, I believe, is the Playaz territory…

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