Tom Cruise Is A Weirdo Midget


I bought a new iPod last week and when I downloaded iTunes 7 and tried to do the thangs that iTunes normally does I felt a sudden sneaking suspicion that I might, in fact, be technically retarded (I think the geek community would label me a “tech-tard”).

Instead, it turns out that my mental capacity is still at an agreeable sub-statistically-normal level and that iTunes 7 blows the brass marching band.

So while I was downloading the “patch” to iTunes I surfed away and found this creepy pic of Tom Cruise and his latest cult-twisted “beard” (“beard” means a woman acting like she does the willy-wiggle with a man who is secretly wiggling his willy with other willies. You know what I mean) walking out of somewhere going somewhere else. (I’m all about details, people.)
His “stats” claim that he is 5 foot 7. Katie is supposedly 5 foot 8. She’s wearing heels (maybe 3 inches?) but he looks at least a foot shorter. So to be generous she should only appear to be four inches taller than the big Noggin-ed Space Thetan.

This is obviously not the case.

Draw yer own conclusions. I’m going to see if I can wrangle some sense outta this here iTunes 7.01 or whatever.

(Man, Tom Cruise is weird, isn’t he? And shit, he’s short!)



  1. Yeah, Tom is weird, but evidently weird is in, because he’s got all the ladies. Damn, I’m jealous…

    What kind of IPOD did ya get? Moreover, ITunes 7 is the bomb. I’ve downloaded one movie, and to be honest, it was good quality. How many Gigs of music do ya have? I’ve got 4Gigs of nothing but music. I am what people call very…very…very eclectic. I love it all. Well, there is some music that I refuse to listen to…

    Did you know that some UK bands, such as Snow Patrol are booming over here now. I’ve noticed though, that the UK version of the LP has more tracks on it, than the US version. That song, “You Could Be Happy”, says it all WOA…

  2. Wayne, thanks for the heads up about iTunes 7.0.1. The new version was a real dog – crashing and not syncing properly.

    Jefferson – we don’t get the movie download in the UK yet.

  3. I’d guess Tom is about 5’4″, 5’5″. I, too, have heard for a fact he is a very tall midget.

    I also heard my favorite musician (Kenny Rogers aside), Prince, stands at 5’2″ – which is why you’ll never see him without heels.

  4. Poor short men. I suppose all y’all stand at 6′ and over. Short men need love, too. Willy wiggling? Wayne, what’s with weird willy watching? I wasn’t looking at his height after you mentioned that. But yes, he is super freaky.

  5. Of course, Jama (6’4″).

    One of my best friends (the Guv’na) is only 5’6″ or so, but I chose not to discriminate against him and allowed him to be my friend. He’s a pretty good guy, aside from the shortness.

  6. You should never discriminate against a person because of his/her height. Unless they’re really short–like 5 foot 2 or something.

    That shit ain’t right.

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