My Secret Agenda


Do yourselves a favor and bookmark Married to the Sea. It rocks. (Special thanks to Phil at Playazball for turning me onto this site.)

Now then…

I’m about to go on holiday and I realized today that there are a number of open loops that I haven’t closed up.

For example:

  1. What the hell’s going on with the flat we “supposedly” bought?
  2. What was the “big experiment” I was conducting on my blog?
  3. Where’s that commercial the creative team I work with wrote/filmed (fill-ummm-ed) this week?
  4. Where are we going on vacation and why the hell haven’t we left yet?

I will now answer these questions.

In order:

  1. I have no idea what’s going on with the flat. Me thinks we may have fallen victim to an asshole developer. You see, it seems that developers who own houses and shit like to offer them up for sale. Then, when they actually agree to a sale they “lose” the fucking deed and string you along for 3 or 4 months while they watch the market go up and up and up and you shit yourself silly. Then when the closing date finally approaches they decide that they’ve got a headache or that they’ve got sand in their clit or their balls are hanging unevenly and that they’d rather not sell “just yet” and pull out. Then they put the house/flat/whatever back on the market but not before telling the prospective buyer, “Well, I could still sell it to you…if you’ll give me 20,000 pounds more.” I don’t know why they do this but I’ve talked to 6 or 7 other couples who have had the exact thing happen to them. It doesn’t look good.
  2. I have, of late, been putting “inviso-text” in my postings to see if it cranked up visitors. Yes, it does and no, the “inviso-text” is no longer there (except for one entry). Find it and you’ll see what I’ve been up to.
  3. The commercial is done. It is at the correct television stations and has been cleared and will launch across all of Northern Ireland and the Republic at 12 noon tomorrow (Monday). I have a copy of it in my emails but I can’t/won’t/shouldn’t publish it anywhere (YouTube, I’m looking your way…) until the launch is over.
  4. I’m not going to say where we’re going on vacation. But we leave on Tuesday. It’s not very exotic but it’ll do the job. I will fill you in when we get back.

Sorry, this isn’t very witty or even informative or interesting. I got some scary/bad/everything will probably be ok news yesterday and I felt like I outta say something before we blaze a trail for the next week or so.

The world, with the interwubs, satellite TV, Skype and cheap flights– which all make the world a seemingly small place– don’t mean shit sometimes. Because when you’re living over here and your family is over there and something happens the world instantly expands a million times over and you feel like thimble full of water being thrown at a burning building. And it blows and it makes you mix your metaphors.

But that’s the choice I made.


We’re going on vacation.

There won’t be internet, cable or even cell phone reception. Hopefully, everything will work out.

(The world just got bigger. Again.)



  1. Dude, Craisins are freaking awesome. I hope that you and the wife have a fantabulous holiday. Take it easy WOA…

  2. Thanks Jefferson. We’ll do our best!

  3. WOA, Have a great vacation. No internet. No cell reception. No cable TV. I hope you guys enjoy Ithaca.
    Have a great week.

  4. Ha! Ithaca…I wish.

    But thanks.

  5. Have a great time Wayne…and get some sleep.

  6. Do I sound tired? I think I’m tired. I will try to get some sleep, Nikki. Thank you. (I really am tired…)

  7. I can’t believe this guy is jerking you around like that — are contracts/real estate sales different in the UK than the States? Because a Seller could/would get sued for being in default for refusing to close as this guy seemingly is doing. (Which I’m sure is exactly what you want to do – get into a lawsuit)

    The Playaz say “f**** him” – if he tries to pull that crap of raising the price, take a dump in a box and mail it to him.

  8. Wayne, that looks a bit like a suicide note, or one of those letters to be read when the person has deceased.
    Have a good holiday, 🙂

  9. Phil- yeah, the laws are different (apparently) because I know far too many people that this has happened to. The developers are ruthless over here and deserve a come-uppance– do I have any favors I can call from the Playaz?
    Cyber- Wow. Didn’t think I sounded depressed (I was going for de-compressed..must’ve misplaced the ‘com’) but I will admit that I feel like I’ve been suffering from sub-blog-performance issues.
    I will have a good holiday and hopefully return to fighting form in a week.

  10. Well damn. Have a great time and have lots of sex. Lots. We’ll discuss the ‘sleeping around for the art director’ job when you get back.

    Go. Git.

  11. Gladly.

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