You Can Buy Anything At Murphy’s

Because I was such a good little soldier last Saturday and went into work, I was given the day off. (This day. Friday. Yes, I know that it’s now Saturday but I wrote this yesterday. Friday. But I published it today. Saturday. You follow? Good.)

That suited me right down to the ground. Not that I mind working the occasional weekend but when someone throws me a bone in the sub-context of the dynamic I will run it up the flagpole and take ownership. That’s just how I work.

However, today was not a day for me to lie around in my jim-jams watching soaps. No. Not today (that’s more of a Monday kind of thing). Today, I got up at my normal time and took the wife to work and went on a reconnisance reconnasiance had a look-see at the new flat to try and figure out what all needs to be done.

In a word: everything.

It needs paint, new carpeting, wallpaper either taken down or shown to a mirror so that it dies from the shame of its own hideousness (yeah, I’m stretching it on that ‘joke’. Sue me.), floorboards to screw down and, to my surprise, electricity to buy.

Yep. We actually have to get a swipe card and buy electricity before we use it! Amazing!

You’ve heard of “Pay as You Go” phones? Well, welcome to “Pay-n-Glow” (as I have dubbed it) electricity.

It seems that if you pay your electricity with these little top up cards you’re saving a whopping 2.5% over the lazy sods who pay what they owe at the end of the month.

Oh, how I suddenly pitied those poor, poor souls! Just think, for every 100 pounds they spend I am spending a mere 97.50! By the time I retire I will have save almost 50 pounds more than they will.

And that’s real money, folks. (This is purely an insider joke. If you were in on it you would be pissing yourself with laughter. Sadly, I cannot explain it to you. I do apologize. Tee-hee…real money! Classic… *murppph snort*)

But where was I going to find a store that sold electricity? They weren’t listed in the phone book and you can’t exactly spot them from a distance because of the sparks flying around or anything.

So to make a long story slightly shorter, I went to the one place that always has everything. You guessed it…Murphy’s (see, that’s why I called this “You Can Buy Anything At Murphy’s”. Clever n’est pas?) I’ve always believed that they had everything and now I know it’s true.

They have everything except an interesting ending to this post.

Oh well.

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6 Comments

  1. Dude, “Pay as you Glow” is awesome. 🙂 We need something like that in the states.

  2. I hate it.

    I also turn my nose up at the gas company’s suggestion that by setting my thermostat at a certain level, I can save up to $100 a year on my gas bill. No thanks. I’ll eat the $8 a month so it isn’t 55 degrees (F) in my house during the winter.

  3. “when someone throws me a bone in the sub-context of the dynamic I will run it up the flagpole and take ownership”

    Wayne,
    I thought you didn’t speak corporate!

  4. *struggling to stay upright* can’t reply…too sore from painting in cold apartment with no heat (the GAS is pay as you go too…)

  5. I was so insulted by the pay as you go electric in my house (what, don’t they trust me to pay a bill?) I had them come in and put in a regular meter. I will NOT be running out to the electricity store on a cold winter’s morning just so I can lie on the couch and watch tv, or god forbid take an electric shower – but that’s a whole other issue… (Electric + Shower = bad idea…)

  6. Yes, the electric shower has always bothered me too. I’m terrified of electricity to begin with but add that to my morning shower and it makes a guy wanna run for the old fashioned gas heated boiler that could explode without warning.

    This is why I prefer cold showers.


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