Holy Crapolla

Since I’ve had my new cell/mobile phone I’ve been pretty good about NOT using it for assinine bullshit dumbass utilities like ‘texting’ and ‘calling 911 in a dire emergency’. (Actually emergency phone calls over here are 999… weirdos.)

Unfortunately, my wife (who uses her phone to text things like ‘I love Coldplay’ to her imaginary ‘cousins’) called me at work today (so everyone, just EVERYONE) could hear the ring tone that I thought was (secretly) meaningful (to me) but everyone else in the whole wide world thinks is annoying.

The results were about 10 people shouting and whistling as I answered my phone.

I had to run to the private ‘meeting room’ where no one could hear me.

And for what reason was my wife calling?

It seems the cable was out. Of course she wouldn’t just simply and unconditionally BELIEVE that the cable was out (which is what I told her) so she had to call her parents on the other side of town.

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m in a weak, lonely place at the moment but I think I know when the goddamn cable is out.

She apologized when I got home.

I was right.

That’s sort of a good feeling.



  1. NTL was out all over N.I and Scotland last night.
    I was forced to have a conversation instead. Crazy.

  2. I do my best to turn my phone off when I’m in meetings or most any place where I don’t want to hear either my or anyone elses phone ringing. Sometimes I forget. Ya’ ever do that? So I’m in a meeting a few weeks ago. A really serious one populated just chock full of those guys who wear suits everyday to work. The room is stone cold, pin drop quiet and OF COURSE my phone chooses that exact time to ring. The theme to Pink Panther breaks the silence. I wanted to be just about anywhere else but there at that moment. Half the room throws dagger like stares my way and the other half starts laughing. Needless to say it was my girlfriend calling to tell me she couldn’t find her keys and yes she called back ten minutes later to tell me she found them.

  3. My wife always blames either me or the TV (which is just there to show the picture it is given) when our cable is screwed up. She refuses to accept that our cable company’s signal sucks balls, and that is no fault of mine or the television’s.

  4. All comments have been duly noted and passed on to my wife.

    Healy- instead of a conversation I was able to negotiate a couple o’ hours of quality video game time. Conversation? With my spouse? Are you crazy?

    Brianf- the worst part was after I moved to the ‘meeting room’ and the receptionist heard me say, and I quote, “Don’t be such a loud mouthed stupid bitch!”. Of course, my wife has a warped and sick sense of humor (like mine) and she laughed when I said it but the receptionist offered her condolences.

    Phil- It IS your fault. Admit it.

  5. I always forget to turn off my phone and it always rings at the most innapropriate times, sad thing is my ring tone is Chic’s La Freak and it can be rather embarrasing. “AAHHHH, FREAK OUT!!!” This is Jama by the way. Not trying to be sneaky…

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