Today I Think I Love You More…

Disregard the headline.

I hate all of you!

Ha! Just joking. (Sort of. Depends on who “you” are. If you’re just the normal surfing folk, well, then… ignore everything…)

Today, I had the rare opportunity to use my sickness to dispose of our monthly alcoholic bottle accumulation. When I say “use” I mean I was able to stop coughing long enough to recycle a couple of booze containers. Trust me. We do not drink that much. One month’s of drinking activity amounts to the following:

1. 2 bottles of white wine (the wife’s).

2. 2 half bottles of vodka (mine).

So, because I’m not feeling great (sinus infection), I told the wife that I would toss said recyclable bottles at the local Tesco store today on my way to buy contact lens solution (cuz that’s what you do when you’re sick). I told my wife that it would look funny. I mean an unshaven guy dumping booze bottles on a Tuesday? Looks like an unemployed loser to me!

She said, “So what?”

Well! It turns out that my neurotic outlook is not so neurotic after all! People really do stare at you and think you have a serious drinking problem simply because you’re dumping bottles early in the day. Especially a Tuesday.

I dumped our bottles, went into the Tesco, bought the fucking contact lens solution and escaped back to the car where little ol’ Sparky the Wonder Dog was waiting. (I did, however, give a pound to the crazy woman in the parking lot. Local legend says that she lost her 3 sons in a house fire and now she walks around the Tesco parking lot asking for money to pay for her food. Whenever she comes into direct contact with me, I always fork over some dough. She seems sad.)

I’m not sure where this is headed. I guess it’s just a day in the life.

Oh.

I’m not dead.

Despite what some folk might want you to believe. 

Here I Am. Like a Simpson. Only Simpsonized.

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Jealous much???

I mean, shit! I look fucking coolsville!

Oh. This is my wife…

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(She DEMANDED that her pic be smaller than mine. Thats just how it is, folks. She’s shy.)

(If you wanna Simpsonize your own bad selves go here )

But you still won’t be as cool as me or my sexy wife. Try as you might…

Hey There! How Are Ya?

Now that I’m back, there might be a whole fan base of 3 people who might possibly wonder what the hell happened to me.

Short answer: I went crazy and now, with the help of modern drugs, I’m less crazy.

Long answer: Oh, I don’t have the fucking time for that!

Let’s just say that anti-depressants have a place in this world but I don’t wish my worst enemy in the world to have to suffer them. “Free at last! Free at last! Thank god, I’m free at last!” (or something like that. Personally, I’m thanking the “Powers That Be” that I’m at least back to having manic stages to counteract the fucking crazy stages.)

So… now that you know what’s been up with me for the last couple o’ months let’s just get back to business:

I was listening to the radio today and a local radio station had this to say:

“Did you miss our exciting giveaway for a free trip to New York? Well, XXXXFm has your back! We’re giving away a trip for two to Memphis, Tennessee! That’s right! Memphis, Tennessee! (do you see where this is headed? No? Well, let’s continue on…) You’ll visit Graceland and the studio where Elvis himself recorded his first single. Then…you can spend your time experiencing the general atmosphere of Memphis, Tennessee!

Wow! If the “general atmosphere of Memphis, Tennessee” isn’t enough to make you want to enter and win I don’t know what the fuck would.

Anyway, I’m off the “Crazy Pills” and am back to my normal crazy as bat shit self.

Let’s see what happens, shall we?

I’m Back Even Though I Never Really Left

Alright.

OK.

Yes. I’m a big pussy-bag wimp who just can’t stay away.

Oh, how I tried to do something different but the fact that I just can’t lie (thanks, you fuck twat Christian Reformed Church A-hole upbringing) means I had to run back and rescue my old domain.

I can’t be nobody but me.

Just can’t do it.

Hopefully, I’ve ditched some of the annoying leaches that clung to me before. If they find me again, well… fuck it, I guess. If my boss finds this, well… fuck you Fatboy, you already gave me a raise (thanks, by the way!).

Anyhoo, I’m back and I’m gonna try to hold back on my bitching.

Some things to note:

  1. I still HATE organized religion. (If I’m going to believe in gold-lined streets, I’d better be able to chisel the fuckin street up and sell it for a profit. Just like Dick “Dick” Cheney.)
  2. I still believe “Dubya” is the most corrupt, evil, fucktard, shit-licking, cock-slap president we’ve ever had.
  3. American’s don’t give a shit that the Constitution is being stolen away from them/us.
  4. Dog’s rule.

That’s about it for now.