Oh Sweet Fucking Shit

I was sitting here, waiting for my computer to re-start after an all important update from Bill Gates, when my psycho dog from the netherworld started throwing his stupid fucking ‘Ball-O-Treats’ into my crotch which made me totally forget what the hell it was that I was going to philosophize upon. (For those who don’t have dogs, the ‘Ball-O-Treats’ is a rubber ball with a hole that you squeeze bite-sized yummy dog style treats that smell like armpit mold into. The idea is your pet throws the ball around and, eventually, one of those fucking treats will eventually fall out of the hole so your dog can eat it. It keeps them mentally busy- like a Master’s Thesis, only food related. (Dogs love shit like this. It keeps their mind off their inherent desire to kill you.))

Anyway, I’m thinking my original idea/post might have been something about how, when I walk “Sparkles the Shite-Wise Dildo” that other people are secretly envious of me. (I just know that they’re looking upon his innate cuteness and saying to themselves (if they’re not dog owners) “Damn, that little doggy sure is the cuteness!” or (if they are dog owners) “How can I discreetly shoot my mutt, bury him without legal interference and steal THAT glorious dog of innate cuteness?”)

Of course, I might have been ready to tell you all about how today was the first time in my ever changing/non-directional career path that I was invited to sit in on an interview for a prospective (female) junior copywriter.

I’m not one to brag but, at one point, I broke into the love fest of standard, legal Q&A and asked the all important question: “Would you be offended if somebody farted next to you and called you a cunt? Cuz that’s gonna happen.” (When you work in advertising, this is a very important. We’re all jerks.)

With baited breath, we waited.

And…

She laughed…

She starts in a couple o’ weeks.

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