Shhhhhh…..!

gotta be quiet…everyone around me is napping. must type in small letters only.

dallas the sleep master general of the beagle world is snoring on the loveseat. grandpa is snoring in the recliner next to me. grandpa always denies it when he’s caught napping. his ho wife the smiley fakey bitch from hell the ‘big d’ keeps coming in and yelling ‘are you asleep ‘l’ (that’s a small letter ‘l’ by the way. not a ‘1’)? wake up. you’re terrible company.’ then she storms off to the other room to read her ‘what would god do without me?’ books while grandpa, dallas and me are left looking at each other in confusion. i don’t understand why grandpa denies he’s been sleeping. he gets yelled at anyway.

grandpa’s cool and all but he won’t give up the remote. he has a bumper sticker on his rental car that says ‘you can have the remote when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.’

he’s serious about entertainment control.

it’s just too bad that he keeps falling asleep while he’s surfing. grandpa surfs endlessly. he does his 83 odd years justice. he’s a fucking pro. but like i said, it’s too bad he falls asleep while he’s doing it. right now i’m watching the shopping channel. 20 minutes ago i was happily watching a ‘scrubs’ re-run. 30 minutes from now i’ll probably be watching fox news.

GRANDPA, WAKE UP!

(by the way, i’m enjoying my holiday. thanks for asking. too bad my hometown is soooooooooo goddamn boring. i’ll post some pics when i hit the land of 40 shades of green. until then, use your imagination. it’s easy. just think ‘dirt’.)

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1 Comment

  1. Glad you’re enjoying / enduring / surviving* your holiday. (* delete as appropriate)

    It’s raining here – if that helps you appreciate not being here!


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