I’m a Liar

Yeah, I was surposed ta tell’s ya what’s like to be a copywriter (or sum such shite) in my last post.

And I failed to deliver.

For several reasons.

The main one’s being, I don’t have a fucking clue under the heavens as to how I got my job and then somehow managed to advance to a really great job (I sweat at night worrying that I will be found out and sent back to an equally skilled job- like street sweeper).

So for me to give any type of career advice would be like George “W” Bush telling the United States of America how to live their lives.

Oh fuck! I’m sooooooooooooooo qualified! I can do that!

So here’s my advice:

Write what you want when you can. Write for you local newspaper, your college newspaper, your high school newspaper.

Just write and write and write and write and write and then one day…

You’ll end up scribbling out advertising shit that don’t mean nothing to nobody.

But you’ll get paid really, really well.

Good luck!


Yes. Yes I Can

Today I will enlighten the masses (all 3 of you) what it’s like to be a copywriter.

(All 3 of you have now clicked, out of boredom, away. I can live with that.)

In my past life, as a copywriter for Ad Bore, (not to be confused with my new life as SENIOR COPYWRITER for the GREATEST AND BIGGEST AD AGENCY IN NORTHERN IRELAND) I was never encouraged, pushed, or tempted to write anything that might be construed as “good”.

Not that I didn’t want to.

I just wasn’t given the liberty to be creative for whatever reason (they’re assholes is a prime suspect, tho).

Mainly because the Creative Dictator was a fucktard and the “boss” was too fucking stupid to know good copy from the foaming shit letters that babbled from his keyboard (how that fat fucker could type with the fat size of his fat fucking fingers baffles me. I think he used a pointy-stick a la Homer Simpson (yes, FATBOY, I truly HATE you. Live with it. Fatboy.) (Yes, I said FATBOY. FATBOY!)))

Anyway, I now work happily and harder than ever for an agency that knows what’s what.

I’ve been part of 2 presentations in the last 5 weeks (2 more than I ever did at Ad Bore) which went over REALLY well, worked for major, major, MAJOR clients (like the UK’s biggest phone company, world famous whiskey and vodka companies, etc), and been complimented for my work, not cuz I was fishin’ for compliments but because they genuinely think I know what I’m doing (I don’t. But don’t tell them that.)

My point?

I haven’t posted regularly because…



I’m happy. So very, very happy.

However, I’ve got some ideas and if I ever get some down time at work and feel “hilarious” I’ll update (the people at my new job don’t care what you do as long as you get your work done. Hell, last week I spent two whole days walking around a park and sitting in pubs. And I got PAID for it!) .

It’s weird having creative energy fueled by a new outlook on life. It’s just a little harder to harness it because there’s so much in life I need to catch up on.

Sad that I’ve spent the last 2 1/2 years blogging because it was an outlet for disappointment, anger, rage, depression and fear.

Let’s never speak of it again.

Oh FUCK!!! Life Can Actually Be Kinda Cool!

Sorry, peeps!

I haven’t been too regular about my posting.

Well, I got a new job and it ROCKS!

I’m gonna have to leave it at that for the moment.

I’m not too happy to give details and/or bitch about the fuck suckers I used to work for.

But I’ll be back. I promise.

Maybe I’ll actually entertain you with shit that’s actually funny instead of shit that’s actually true.

Let’s see.

Shall we..?